I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
