You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
