Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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