literally had 100 drinks last night.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
