I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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