Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
