just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
