Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
