I wish I could teleport
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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