You just made me feel so damn special
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
