Someone shit on the floor
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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