I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
