I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
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Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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