Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
