Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
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i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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