I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
