I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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