oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
