see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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