The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
