Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
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Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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