Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
