This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
