Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
