The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
