Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
