Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Randomize
