I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
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seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
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I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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