She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
