I can text with my tongue
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
