the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
