I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
