One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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