dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
