Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
