I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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