Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
