she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
