i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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