i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
