My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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