when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
