I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
