I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
