splinters make it hard to masturbate
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize