How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
