I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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