Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
