508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
