he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
