you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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