too bad you live with your parents still
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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