my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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