Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
