I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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