went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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