What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
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I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
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There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
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