I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
We had to coat check the pizza.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
