For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
